10 Things Women Do That Men Don't Understand (and why we do them)

I think men and women should be considered two different species all together.

I am willing to admit that there are things we do that I don't even understand myself. We are complicated, moody, and hard to please. I'd like to think that I understand a LITTLE more than you guys do, though.

So, I will attempt to shed some light on our biggest mysteries.

1. Why do you bitch about the toilet seat being left up when you leave it down all the time?

Have you ever had cold, gross toilet water touch your actual ass hole at 2:37 a.m. while you're half asleep? If you did...then you would answer your own damn question

2. Must you start talking our ears off the minute we walk in the door?

I have to agree that this drives me fucking nuts, too. It makes me wish it was legal to duct tape someone to the wall.

But, I'm going to imagine other women do it because they miss you or something dumb like that

3. Why do you always say you're fine when you're clearly not?

Because, asshole, if we spoke our minds then we would be called bitches.

Although, I do speak my mind and don't really care what you think

4. Why don't you just order the extra side instead of trying to eat from my plate?

Because we don't want you to think we're pigs by ordering a lot of food. So, we choose to be dainty and shit by stealing your fries. It's cute! Deal with it

5. Why do you bother asking questions when you know damn good and well you don't want to hear the answer?

We're giving you the chance to lie to us and ease our minds. We know you're lying and we don't want you to do that, either. Guess you're fucked.

6. Why can't you just take a compliment?

Easy... you need to compliment harder. When you say "oh you're not fat, you're beautiful"....that's great. Thank you so much...but KEEP saying it to make sure you really mean it

7. Why can't you go to the bathroom by yourself?

This is another one I can't stand. When I need to piss, I'd rather be left alone.

I think other women do it so they can gossip and talk about finally letting out that fart they've been holding

8. What the hell is so bad about period pain?

Here's another question you can probably answer yourself...if you imagine someone taking a hot dagger and sticking it into your lower abdomen, beating it in with a hammer, and twisting.

Then, once you imagine that, imagine that I'll use that same dagger to stab you in the eye if you ever fucking ask that again

9. Why do you hide away from us when you cry, then get mad when we leave you alone?

It's another test. You're supposed to comfort us

If you don't, then you obviously don't really care

10. Why do you wear so much makeup all the time?

Society has implanted in our brains that we are supposed to look flawless most of the time or we are not good enough. It's okay for men to have acne and wrinkles but we're ugly if we have dark circles and pale skin.

I haven't worn makeup every day in a long time. I'm just too tired and my give-a-fuck doesn't work very well... as I'm sure you've noticed by now

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