A Look Inside the Wheels

Chris is not your typical "disabled" person. He is a self-proclaimed "cripple" as he is paralyzed from the rib cage down. It doesn't stop him one damn bit

He takes care of his family, repairs the house, and makes you laugh while he does it. He drives his own car, cooks like no one you've ever seen, and pops wheelies everywhere he goes.

He's one hell of a story teller, too. When you take a minute between the jokes...he'll make more jokes, but he'll also give you an interesting insight......

You know what I hate?

When I'm having a conversation with someone and they say shit like "I know a guy in a wheelchair. He's just like you, maybe you know him". Yea, because we all get along and know each other. We have monthly meetings over there at the VFW.

Then there's the people that think a broken or missing foot = cripple

Don't tell me "I know how it feels man" when you can feel your legs.... walking... up stairs.

After his little rant about pet peeves, he brought me an old notebook where he kept funny things that have happened since he's been a perpetual sitter. He's treated in such a different way that it's comical, at least he makes it that way....

Chair Lube

I was rolling into Walmart and the greeter was handing out Jiffy Lube coupons.

I think I shocked her a little when I asked her if they'd lube my chair, too. All she could say was "um, you can go back and ask"

Amazing Pool Talent

Just a normal day at the pool hall one day and a douche bag playing ping pong just kept staring at me. He looked like he was afraid to come hit on me or something. He must have finally worked up the nerve to come tell me "I just want to say how impressed I am that you can still play pool". I'm a little dumbfounded at how little it took to amuse him, so I totally blew his mind with "This is nothing. You should see me get in and out of the car I drive"

The Shoulder Rapist

I was at the grocery store, and a little old lady started talking to me about how she can't find anything. Que my first mistake...engaging my charm. I smile and say "It's even worse when you find it, but can't reach it". She laughed and put her hand on my shoulder "I know what you mean". Then it started getting weird. She started rubbing my shoulder and up and down my arm and says "It's good to meet someone like you in such good spirits". She just kept rubbing! It was so awkward! So I thanked her and tried to roll away, but she had a frail grip on me so I didn't want to knock her over. I tried again with "you have a good day ma'am" when in my head I thought "get your hand off me! You're creeping me the hell out". She FINALLY let go and I rolled out of the aisle as fast as I could.

BUT NO! It didn't stop there

I make it to the checkout when I hear "stop holding up the line" from behind me. A shiver went down my spine, well half of my spine anyways. I didn't have to turn around to recognize the voice. Now, I'm starting to really worry. Do I have my first stalker? Do old ladies stalk people? I force a chuckle and say "you know us cripples, always holding up the lines".....and she starting rubbing my shoulder again!! That cashier couldn't have gotten done fast enough. I finally am so close to the door that I can smell the freedom from awkwardness. I looked back to make sure she wasn't following me and come to find out, the woman wasn't even checking out! She just came up to shoulder rape me again!

Rogue Wheels

I was rolling through a grocery store parking lot when I hit a loose piece of blacktop and tipped out of my chair. It was pretty windy so with no weight being in it, my chair took off through the parking lot. A guy saw it happening and yelled "I'll get it!" and runs after it... and there went his cart full of food in the opposite direction. So now there's a wheelchair rolling one way, a cart rolling the other way, and a ginger cripple ass on the ground trying to scoot out of the middle of the lane with my shoes falling off. He got my chair and realized that his cart was about to roll into someone's car! So now, he has my chair while running after his cart. Somehow, he managed to get them both...I'll have to give it to him. Good Save.

Surgeon Screw-Up

After a routine surgery for cripples, I was being wheeled in to recovery. I've been through so much medical crap that I snap right out of anesthesia comas anymore. The nurses were asking how I felt and all that good junk. I decided to spice it up a little and told her "oh my god, what did the surgeon do!? I can't feel my legs!". She was HORRIFIED! I started laughing so hard that I barely caught her before she ran out of the room for help to let her know I was joking. I'm paralyzed already. It was hilarious and she offered me $5 to do it to the next nurse, too.

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As Chris gets older, he gets more ornery and creative with his ways to screw with people. I don't think we'd have it any other way

#disability #truestories #funny #wheelchair #public