Who Needs a Doctor
- April M. Steele
- Sep 11, 2017
- 3 min read
With the world wide web at our fingertips,
we can learn anything our brains desire.
When it comes to our bodies, weird things can happen that we are too embarrassed to talk about or
too busy to call our doctors for.
We start to freak out and google it instead,
which then leads to self-diagnosing.
There's even a website called "what's my diagnosis"
which MUST be highly recommended by doctors.

If you have some weird shit going on with your body,
I'm here to help. Below are some serious
symptoms of various disorders. If you can mark off more
than 3 symptoms, you may be in trouble.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
The most common of the self-diagnosed disorders. OCD is a mental disorder that causes people to have repeated and unwanted thoughts and behaviors. Watch out for:
compulsive hoarding
meaningless repetition of words
ritualistic behaviors
constant checking on things
fear of dirtiness or contamination
What you should do if you suspect you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:
Your doctor will let you know if you should actually be diagnosed with this or if you just have a couple quirks and find it cool to tell everyone that you are OCD. Only 3% of the U.S. population suffers from OCD in that they are categorized as disabled. (Healthyplace.com)

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder
It seems that almost every small child that has not stopped getting sidetracked or won't sit still needs help. It is more normal for kids to sit quietly and stare into space.
Your child should most likely be medicated with addictive narcotics if:
makes careless mistakes
unorganized
forgetful
talks too much
has difficulty waiting their turn
What you should do if you suspect you or your child have ADHD
Your doctor will diagnose you/your child accordingly. In a study done by a Massachusetts psychologist, only 22% of the 92 kids medicated in one single clinic actually met the criteria for the disorder. (scientificamerican.com) The other 78% were most likely children trying to have a personality, which can be dangerous

Manic Depression
More commonly known as "bi-polar disorder", manic depression can make someone feel like they can't control many aspects in their lives. You may be able to blame your personality on bi-polar disorder if you have:
Severe mood swings
Unexplained euphoria
Rapid speech
Easily agitated
Compulsive sexual behavior
What to do if you think you might be a manic depressive
Let your doctor know your symptoms. They will either prescribe you medication to help or refer you to a psychiatrist. If your doctor has done neither of those, then they must think you are a human with emotions. Almost 70% of bi-polar sufferers are misdiagnosed at least 3 times before they get correct treatment (bipolarlives.com)

Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia is a syndrome that affects muscles and soft tissue in the body. It can be extremely painful, leading to opiod addiction and depression. As you can imagine, there are many symptoms that can point right to a self-diagnosis.
morning stiffness (not stiffy, that's a different muscle and disorder all together)
fatigue
chronic muscle pain
sleep problems
painful tender points
swelling hands and feet
problems taking a piss
What you should do if your pain sounds like Fibromyalgia
Make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your circumstances. If they think you may be affected by the syndrome, they will refer you to a specialist who will professionally diagnose you. They could also give you some 800mg ibuprofen and inform you that you, in fact, do not have this syndrome and are just getting old. According to the Mayo Clinic, only 2% of the U.S. have Fibromyalgia

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
PTSD, as often seen in war veterans and abuse victims, can seriously affect a persons life. It happens when someone can't seem to recover after experiencing or witnessing a really fucked up event.
Signs of this mental condition are:
frequent irritability and agitation
self-destructive behavior (drugs, alcohol, etc)
flashbacks
insomnia
nightmares
severe anxiety
What you should do if you think you could be suffering from PTSD
Speak to your doctor or professional counselor. They will be able to tell if you are really dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Alternatively, they can also see if you stubbed your toe as a kid and now you're just a bitch. An estimated 8% of Americans actually are diagnosed with PTSD (ptsdunited.org)

These are only a few of the most common self-diagnosed conditions that people seem to love to have.
When you self-diagnose, you are essentially saying that you are as educated as the medical professionals that completed years of schooling.
It's annoying and makes you look like a jack-ass.
Please Stop It
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