We Were All There Once

Kids are weird. They're walking, talking, pooping, eating, little bags of odd.... but that's why we love them. I have to think, were we as weird as that kid that's always bouncing his head off the lamp post at the bus stop?

Yea, most likely.

I recently took a Facebook poll and asked everyone, what was some weird shit they did or thought when growing up.

The results did not disappoint........

I used to eat the tan dog milk bones. Not any other color though, because that would be gross

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I used to climb a tree, drop my pants, and take a dump. The kid next door would try and catch it on a piece of plywood on the ground. This was a usual game of ours, until my mom caught my big white ass in the air when she came looking for me.

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I used my headboard as a horse, using my pillow as a saddle and reigns made out of nylon weaving loops. It was a trusty old pet, until my fat ass broke the bed

I thought "drinking and driving" meant drinking ANYTHING while driving. I would always get really upset when mom would drink her soda with me in the car

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I once spent a whole evening with my Uncle & Grandpa trying to figure out how bumblebees can fly with tiny wings and huge butts. We decided it was jet propulsion, they fart and that's what the buzzing sound is.

I was convinced that the St. Louis Arch was so tall that if it fell during a bad storm, it would fall on my bedroom. I lived in Millstadt, IL....20 miles away

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I was so scared that if you flushed the toilet while you sat on it, or pulled the bath tub drain while in the tub, you would be sucked down the drains. It took my mom making me stay in the tub while she drained it to stop flipping out. I'm sure the neighbors thought she was trying

to murder me.

To this day, I dream I can fly if I flap my arms just the right speed. As a kid, I thought it was real. My brother had to talk me down from jumping and "flying" out of a tree. He said "as much as I'd love to see this happen, mom would kill me. You have to come down"

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In kindergarten, all the kids wanted to play house. They asked me to be the mom and I said sure, but ONLY if they played with my rules. My rule was the family killed me and put my body in the basement. I came back from the dead and used my magic powers to get my revenge.....and people wondered why I didn't have any friends.

I thought babies were made by accidentally sitting on the pee that boys would leave on the toilet seat. I mastered the hovering technique at an early age.

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I asked my mom how babies got out. She told us "through where you pee". It took me years to figure out there was another place down there. I wondered how pregnant women peed and still kept the baby in.

I thought the highway number signs were the speed limits. Highway 159 was a VERY dangerous stretch of road

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I used to think if I got a tingle or itch for no reason, it was ants on the inside of my skin crawling around

I was always an optimistic science nerd. I thought the sun was heaven's physical place and the middle of the earth was hell. My reasoning; the sun is a million times bigger than the earth, so it could house all of the good people and animals from the beginning to the end of time. The core of the earth is hot,dark, and smaller than heaven. Surely there's not as many bad people in all of time that they wouldn't need anything bigger than the core.

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I used to dig holes in the back yard to poop in them. I don't know... I just don't know

#funny #kids #weird #odd #truestories