Nostalgic Things That Don't Happen in 2017

Do you ever watch old movies or read old things just to end up laughing at how ridiculous or politically incorrect they are?

You have racist scripts that would make butt holes squeeze shut in an instant. Teenagers trying to talk on phones with a 10-foot cord so stretched out it looks more like an extension cord.

So, of course, it inspired me to make a list of 70's, 80's, and 90's things that we could not deal with in 2017.

The entire 'Blazing Saddles' movie

This is a Mel Brooks Western spoof made in 1974. It has more racist jokes in it than a whole year's worth of movies in this decade. From valuing a hand cart above two black dudes stuck in quicksand to calling Native Americans "little red devils", this movie is the epitome of politically incorrect... and it's great

Live With No TV Remote

I've told my daughter of the tale, having a big floor TV with the dial on the front. We got channels 2, 4, 5, 9, 11 and if we put the dial in just the right position and the sun was shining at just the right angle, channel 30. If you were lucky in the early 80's, these huge TVs had color and your parents had a subscription to the TV guide.

I couldn't imagine the reaction that teenagers would have if they had to actually get off their asses to change the channel or read a book to know what's on.

Passing Notes in Class

You rip out a piece of notebook paper, write a funny line or draw a heart with that cute guys name in it, fold it up in a triangle, and hand it to the person next to you, who then hands it to the intended recipient. You had to have stealth so the teacher didn't catch you and make you read it out loud in front of everyone. Now all kids have to do is remember to turn their phones on silent so the text message alert doesn't go off

Listening to the Radio For Hours in Hopes to Catch That One Song

Before we had iTunes, Pandora, and YouTube, we had to actually wait for our favorite songs to come on the radio. We used our ever so sleek tape players to hit record right as the song started, and always end up with the D.J. talking over the beginning of it. Either that, or go to Sam Goody with your allowance in order to buy the whole album. Chances are, the album sucked and that one song is the only good one on it.

Toys in Cereal Boxes

These were one of my favorite parts of Saturday mornings in the early 90's.

It was a race to the cereal box to see which one of us got to get the color changing

spoon out of the Fruit Loops. We have to thank some lead chip eating fat kid for accidentally swallowing a tiger toy and causing these gems to be discontinued.

Shoes Made of Jelly

Every color of the rainbow, heels, flats, buckles, or straps. These 1990 creations had to be a podiatrists worse nightmare. They offered no real support, caused awful blisters, and made foot odor a whole new creature. Despite all of this, girls wore them every day of the week because, how else are you supposed to match that shiny purple in your skirt

Get Kicked Off the Internet Because The House Phone Rang

The 90's brought the World Wide Web to us and it blew our damn minds. We could make a screen name in a chat room, send emails, and send instant messages to your friends. It never failed though, you finally get the damn computer to connect with all of it's squealing, get to a website, and your Aunt freakin' calls and kicks you off.

Pretend to Smoke Your Candy

No, I don't mean nose candy. I mean little sticks of chalky sugar made into the shape of cigarettes. I got them almost every time we went to the grocery store in the 80's. It was completely normal for a 7-year-old to be walking through the parking lot with a fake cigarette between their fingers. They were a cheap way for moms everywhere to

shut their kid up for a few minutes.

Mountain Dew and Doritos for Breakfast

Parents didn't choose this healthy combination for their teenagers, but it didn't stop us from spilling our spare change into the school vending machines as soon as we got there. There were no dumb laws sanctioning our hallway snacks.

We had real vending machines with stuff kids actually wanted.

Good Times