Comical Reviews for As Seen on TV Products

We've all seen the infomercials for various, ridiculous products. You know the ones, the commercials that make white people look awesomely incompetent.

You might think some of the products seem useful, but you can't decide if it's worth the $6.95 shipping and handling fee, even if you do get three of them!

As always, I'm here to help!

I've tracked down some of the most honest and entertaining product reviews for "as seen on TV" products that you might have sitting in your internet carts right now.

Want a pet that you don't actually have to feed, love, or clean up after? You've got the 'Perfect Polly'! A fake looking plastic bird that moves it's head back and forth once in awhile and chirps. It's sure to win over the kids' hearts and make them stop asking for that damn puppy

Customer Review: the on/off button is where the birds anus is and damn is it hard to get to. Too many on or offs push that button farther into the birds rectum. Unless you have a fascination with bird butts, don't bother. It's the only thing interesting about it.

Do you want to jump while turning your arms really fast, but don't want to worry about having to actually jump OVER something? Sound too confusing? What about an instructional video on how to jump in one spot? We've got the 'Cardio Jump'. It tracks, it counts, it even has two hangy things that are sure to impress your gym buddies. Once you follow the video, you'll be a pretend jump rope expert!

Customer Review: once I received this in the mail, I realized that I didn't have to spend any money, I could have done this with nothing but air. You literally just have to pretend to jump rope. Not to mention, you have to take the batteries out every time if you don't want them to drain, there's no on/off switch. Save your money, use air

If you've ever watched the movie "Wayne's World", this product will definitely ring a bell. In the movie, it was called the "Suck Cut" and it "most certainly sucks". In real life though, they call it the Flowbee and some people actually do trust their grooming experience to a machine meant for pulling dust out of your living room carpet. Who needs a barber shop or even scissors when you can put a vacuum on your head and hope for the best?

Customer Review: I didn't want to purchase this item for myself, but I'm glad I could fulfill my grandson's wish for a gift. I wanted to see how it worked on him first before I tried it on my dog

This product is for the cooks in the kitchen that just wish the meals would take longer and make them work harder. The 'Meatball Magic' takes "4 easy steps" instead of just the one! (you know, just rolling the hamburger into balls). The inventors of this unnecessary creation claim that you can make "9 perfect meatballs in just 9 seconds!"

Customer Review: The only good thing about this is the recipe book that comes with it. I thought it was worth a try, but it's the absolute worst piece of junk I've ever thrown away money on. It now sits in my husband's garage to organize screws and bolts

Do you ever get tired of talking to yourself in the bathroom? Now you have company, with the "Talking TP" toilet paper roll. It's an electronic toilet paper tube that you can record crap on (see what I did there?). Surprisingly enough, this thing has an average for 4 stars on a lot of websites, and a bad review was hard to find

Customer Review: This thing is hilarious. We have a recorded message and we put it in our friends' bathrooms when we have get- togethers. Usually its just women who use the TP, so our recorded message is "nice panties"

Speaking of panties, here's a pair that will "melt your fat away". It's the ridiculous looking 'sauna pants'. People are always looking for a way to lose weight without actually having to put effort into it. These pants claim to use the science of sweat to "shrink your problem areas"... (are those areas your genitals?)

Customer Review: I wore these for four hours a day for about ten days. Conclusion: they made my butt swampy and the outlet they were plugged in to was super hot within a few minutes. Maybe the pounds melt off when you're running from the house that's on fire? I am quite sure of one thing though...I think I lost 1/2 a pound

While we're on the subject of magic weight loss, let's talk about the 'Neckline Slimmer'. This face dildo looking product says that it can shape and tone your multiple chins in a matter of days. Pay no mind to the fact that the before and after pictures are quite obviously different people. That's not important.

Customer Review: I can't tell what the heck this piece of crap is supposed to be doing, but it's not happening to my chin. It kinda hurts to use, too. Hurts so much that I can feel the cheapness.

Here's an invention that's sure to solve the bladder urgency problems on the golf course. It will probably give you a whole new identity, too! That identity being a weird perv putting in an awful lot of concentration on that golf club. It's literally a plastic, hollow golf club with an opening at the top of it to piss into. No one will ever know though, because that magic creep cloth will hide it all!

Customer Review: I give this one star because humanity is going backwards. I bought this as a gag gift for my grandpa, but I couldn't bring myself to give it to him. The thought of his old junk being shoved into a golf club makes for an uncomfortable Christmas

Last but definitely not least on the weird factor, is the 'Rejuvenique Mask'. This contraption looks like something from 'Silence of the Lambs' and freaks me the hell out. It uses electrical impulses to "tighten and rejuvenate" your head skin. It seems more like electro-shock therapy from the 1970s for your face

Customer Review: the clamps are plastic and not reliable at all. They broke right off when my patient started screaming and thrashing. Maybe if it came with a gag or higher voltage for faster outcomes.