5 Dumb Trends That Make My Brain Hurt

I don't know if it's a sign of my mid 30's, or trends these days are just plain fucking stupid. I know I wasn't any prize with my giant Jnco jeans, crop top, and purple lipstick, but that had to make at least a tiny bit more sense.

I scroll through my Facebook feed, read some Buzzfeed articles, and end up thinking to myself "what the actual fuck is America thinking?". Does it make me old....

or is the earth full of as many dumb asses as I think it is?

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Decorated Beards

This came about not too long after the hipsters took over the "lumberjack look" (which is another stupid fucking thing all on its' own. If you're not out in the woods swinging an ax or coming home from the saw mill, then you look like a douche). Once the idiots got bored with just having gross beards and slicked back hair, they started with hanging dumb shit in them and tossing glitter in there.

Way to really man it up there, guys.

Duck Lips

I will never, ever understand what possessed any girl to start thinking that this was sexy. You have chics from ages 8 to 50 sticking out their asses and making duck lips at the camera. I'm not even going to mention how sickening it is for young girls doing this crap with their parents right there and even behind the camera. (ok so maybe I did mention it). Who started this dumb shit? What drunk moron thought "I'll impersonate a duck! That will get all of the penis"?

I'd like to meet that idiot and greet her duck lips with duck tape.

Fidget Spinners

I am all for toys like this for kids that actually need them like the children they were intended for on the autism spectrum and actual ADHD. It seemed like they showed up overnight and within a matter of weeks, they were seen in every gas station, internet ad, and school bus. Not much longer after that, they were being prohibited in classrooms as whiny, entitled teenagers argued that they needed them to concentrate all of the sudden. I'll have to commend the person that invented this simple waste of money, though. I would have never thought teenagers would put down their phones long enough to play with a ball bearing

Toe Shoes

I think a lot of the purchasers of this product are either dating or are one of the dumbasses from the first named item. I get what they were trying to do here, better grip with more comfort and all that crap. They didn't seem to last long though. It's like wearers started to realize that they were getting no more benefits from them as any other good athletic shoe and suddenly decided to agree with the rest of the world... that they looked like a fucktard

Dabbing

When I first saw someone do this "dance move", I had true concern for the person. Did they break their neck and can't hold their head up? Were they trying to discreetly check their armpit smell? Maybe they're stuck in an extremely violent sneeze. Then I learned from my daughter, that they were 'dabbing'. It's a hip-hop dance move that I pray to whoever listens that this is dying off.

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When future generations are trying to figure us out, I'm afraid they may conclude that evolution momentarily moved backwards.